Fifteen years ago on May 29th we had a little (40 people) commitment ceremony at our home in California. We decided that we'd like our anniversary dates to correspond so we specifically picked the 29th as the day we wanted to marry. That was not without some challenges.
Our original plan was to get married in New York and then come home and have a huge reception here in Ravenel. We were planning on a DJ, dance floor, catering, wine, photo booth and gift bags for each attendee. The guest list was over 100 people. Then we re-thought the whole idea. At the time we were having problems with the mortgage company and we weren't sure we'd have the house in July (when we were going to have the party) so we scaled back. We started planning our trip to New York and then realized that was getting out of hand too. So we re-imagined the whole event and downsized to a simple elopement. In hind site I am really glad we downsized. We had some bumps in the road as it was.
We arrived in New York with Mable Rubain in tow on May 28th (Matt does not like calling the trailer Mable Rubain). The plan was to park, get the dogs in the trailer, turn on the air conditioner and take the light rail over to the court house to get our paperwork in preparation for our marriage on Thursday. When we got to City Hall the place was packed. Lots of couples waiting patiently for their turn with one of the clerks. We took a number and found a seat while we waited. While I sat and watched all the other couples I realized was sitting in a place where I was considered just as important and equal to all of the other people in the room. I didn't really realize how the feeling of being a second-class citizen had permeated my consciousnss. I've largely been out since I was 15 and for all this time I've had this thought in the back of my head that I wasn't as legitimate as everyone else. But sitting there in the Clerk of Courts office I truly felt included.
New York has a strict 24 hour wait peroid between the time you get your initial paperwork done and when you can actually get married. We waited about 2 hours for our turn and by the time we had the paperwork done we were past the cut off for getting married the next day. We really wanted to get married on our anniversary date so we had to get a judicial wavier from the court allowing us to get married with less than a 24 hour wait.
The waivers are given twice a day at 11:00 AM and 3:00 PM. We were too late to get a wavier on Wednesday so we completed the paperwork with a hope that we'd be granted the wavier at 11:00 the next day. We'd done everything that we could to ensure our wedding happened on Thursday. It was in the hands of the court now and we'd be given the same level of consideration as any straight couple in the same situation. The clerk in that office was very nice and helpful. It was nice.
We had dinner with friends in Chinatown, had a terrific hot towel shave and trim at a barber shop in Little Italy and finally headed home tired but very happy. The next morning things got a little tricky.
Matt got up early, without waking me, and went into the city to check on our wavier. I woke up to my cell phone ringing. It was playing Matt's ringtone. He was in a panic. One of the checks we had deposited to our checking account to cover our expenses in New York didn't clear so we were overdrawn in our checking account. The bank had already moved money from our savings account to cover the overdraft but that meant we were still overdrawn. It was my job to get on the phone and get this cleared up and get the money from the check we deposited that didn't clear. It turns out that it was a check from our Scottrade account.
I decided that I'd get the them to wire the money from the Scottrade account to our bank account. That seemed to be the fastest way to resolve the problem. I called our bank (Bank Of America) to get the details for our wire transfer. When I called, was put on hold and finally connected to a banking representative. "I've got a problem. I'm getting married today and I'm overdrawn on my checking account." I have the guy who answered my banking information and he quickly pulled up my account. Then he said, congratulations on your wedding day. I was surprised at first. This was the first time I had told anyone about my pending marriage and the result was someone congratulating me. It only took a couple of minutes to get the wire transfer information. When I hung up I realized two things. First, I actually said, out loud and to a stranger, that I was getting married. And second, he congratulated me. My next call was to Scottrade. I really didn't think it was going to be easy to get this done over the phone but I was going to try. I called our local office in Charleston and easily reached an account representative. Again I said I was getting married and I needed to get some money wired from our Scottrade account into my checking account today. Again, the first thing I heard was congratulations. I explained my predicament and the representative took care of my request with no problems. The money got transferred into our checking account and we were all set to get married.
In the meantime Matt picked up the judicial wavier. No problem on that front either. On my way into the city I thought about the morning's events. I told two complete strangers I was getting married to Matt. Both were genuinely happy for me and offered their congratulations. The financial transactions I needed for accounts that listed both of us were handled quickly and without problems. It felt amazing. This country is changing.
My brother and sister-in-law were going to meet us there as were our friends Mina and Sarah. Sarah was our official witness. We only had to wait about 20 minutes until our names were called and we went to the anti-chamber to the chapel to wait. Within minutes we walked in to see the Justice of the Peace and actually get married.
For all of the prep, it only took a few minutes to actually get married. We had the familiar "do you Todd take Matt to be your lawfully wedding husband?" ceremony. We exchanged rings got choked up saying our I dos and it was over. Our witnesses and attendants all clapped and we kissed. It was a wonderful feeling.
Until I started writing this blog entry I really hadn't stopped long enough to really consider what changed in my life on May 29th and how it has changed the way I feel about my world. I really like referring to Matt as my husband and I do whenever it comes up. We live in a marriage-inequality state (soon to be changed I hope) but I refuse to discount my relationship because of local conventions. We live in Charleston which in the state of South Carolina is a liberal bastion. Everyone we know here knows us as a couple. We have joint checking and savings accounts, wills and insurance policies. And now we have a marriage license.
I never thought I'd see this in my lifetime. I'm married and as a married person I have all of the rights and responsibilities as any other married person. Hopefully soon the state of South Carolina will be required to recognize my marriage just like every other marriage. I can't wait for that day.
