In Memory

On Sunday, April 19th, my mother, Ethel Frech passed away. She was, by all accounts, a mess which is considered a good thing here in the South.

Ethel Frech 87 years old

She was born in 1927 in Morgan County, TN (eastern TN) as Ethel Hawn. Her rather unique approach to dealing with life's challenges was what we called Morgan County ingenuity and it came into use frequently as she managed to hold together our household of three kids and at any point in time one or two dogs, assorted aquariums and of course Dad.

She trained as a nurse, beginning her career as an infectious diseases nurse. That was quite the profession in those days where the patients she took care of often had diseases that had no cure. She was a lot like the nurses and doctors that travel the globe dealing with exotic diseases. But her passion turned to psychiatric nursing and she soon became recognized by her colleagues as an especially skillful clinician. But she left all of that behind to have a family and be a stay-at-home Mom. That's not to say she didn't continue to use her training. She nursed kids, dogs, birds, ducks (we once raised Mallard ducks as a project) and neighbors whenever necessary. She had three siblings, two brothers and a younger sister. They were a tight bunch as the Hawns tend to be and she took care of them too. They all looked to their big sister for advice and help and at times got a sharp tongue if she thought they needed it.

When Dad retired she took a refresher course in nursing and went to work at a local mental health organization. She was 60 at the time and loved every minute of it. She would come over sometimes after work and we'd talk about the doctors and how some of them didn't know steak from shoe leather. She had her favorites too.

She was sometimes the grace of calm in stormy situations. When I was 19 I came out to her when on leave from the Navy. It was more like a conversation over coffee than a coming out story. She was ironing Dad's shirts when I told her. She didn't miss a wrinkle in her ironing and simply said "are you sure?" I was and she said "OK, that's fine." That was my coming out story. Short and simple. No drama. She told me years later that her only concern was that being gay was going to make my life harder but she never wavered in her support of me.

She had a temper, which unfortunately I inherited. Nothing would rile her more than if one of her kids was being mistreated. When I was in the 6th grade we had what, at that time, passed for sex education. The girls went to one classroom, the boys another and we watched a film strip about the changes we were going to see in our bodies. The actual sex education part was less than helpful and left the boys in the room wondering just how babies were made. Being the son of a nurse I learned early on where babies came from and was even treated to pictures of various stages of pregnancy in my mother's nursing text books. It wasn't a mystery to me. After our film strip we went to lunch and the subject at the table was where babies really did come from. There were many theories, all of which were wrong, and I decided that I'd explain the process in detail. That got me sent to the principal's office for talking dirty.

Of course Mom was called to come to the school. I was waiting for her in the principal's office. I wasn't worried. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. I just felt sorry for the principal. I'll never forget what she looked like when she came in the door to the school's office. She rarely wore makeup but that day for some reason she had on make up and her hair was done (she and Dad may have planned a night out). She came through the door and in one fell swoop she grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into the principal's office. "Mrs. Frech" the principal began before being interrupted. My mother looked at me and asked if I had in fact been talking dirty at lunch and I said no. I explained the film strip and the confusion and the fact that I was simply trying to be helpful and correct some of the misconceptions that seemed to have been created by the class. She sent me back into the office to sit and wait and shut the door. I couldn't hear what was said but it didn't take long before we left. Nothing was ever said to me again about the incident. Years and years later (when I was in my 30s) I asked her about that day and if she remembered what was said. She did and told me that she informed the principal that if they were going to teach something to do it right, and if they didn't know how it worked let her know and she'd explain. That is how she dealt with life. Full on. Don't avoid the difficult parts. Deal with them as they come up and keep moving forward. Always move forward.

I could go on and on with stories about my mother. She was such a rich source of entertainment for me and our family. Electronics where an especially difficult concept for her. She often said that if it had more than three buttons she didn't want it. Of course that changed when she had her first granddaughter and needed a microwave to warm up milk. When we got a microwave it was the size of a car and needed an engineer to operate. She learned out to operate it surprisingly enough. When I got my first answering machine I tried to explain to her how it worked. I spent a lot of time out of town back then and needed and answering machine. There were no cell phones. I came home one Friday night and listened to the week's messages. The first one was from Mom. It said: "this is your mother, Ethel, Frech, call me." I don't know how many Ethel Frechs she thought I knew but she was going to make sure I called the right one back. I kept that tape for years just to hear her say that. Made me laugh every time.

She once told her brothers, sister nieces and nephews that before she died she wanted to try pot. She was in her 80s when she made this pronouncement and probably didn't remember that she and I once shared a joint on the back steps of the house on Fairlawn Drive in 1976. Her rational was that she wanted to know what is smelled like so she could tell if my brother or sister were indulging. I was in high school and it was finals time. I was a senior and hadn't taken a full days worth of classes so I got out of school very early. I didn't have to be at work until later in the day so we planned our little pot party for after school. We smoked, got the giggles, raided the refrigerator and laughed some more. I was sworn to secrecy but I guess the cats out of the bag now.

She was a master gardener. Everywhere we lived she'd find a spot to grow something. When we moved to Fairlawn Drive in Charlotte she put in gardens around the house. It was like a forest. When she and Dad moved to Charleston to be closer to me we put in a garden together. The first year wasn't so hot but the following years we got a pretty good harvest. This is a picture of her not being able to wait for the rain to stop before checking out her plants. She even augmented the landscaping around the assisted living center. Single-mindedness.

When she and Dad went to assisted living there were some ups and downs. It took a while for her to get with the plan that the staff was there to help them. Her fierce independent streak made that transition difficult but we made it through and she found some good friends and developed some very close friendships with the staff. Here's a picture of her on Halloween ready for the costume party.

Of the many things I learned from her that has served me well throughout my life is how to cook. Mom was an excellent self-taught cook and would make all kinds of food. My favorite was her Chinese on my birthday or marinated steaks on the grill. The only thing she couldn't cook was fish. She loved having the head on and baking it in the oven. She'd serve that with peas and carrots for a meal that I had to pass up every time. I would tease her about having fish and peas and carrots. Ugh. Nasty.

She adored her granddaughters (all four of them). I would laugh when she would write them letters about behaving or her expectations for them. She was a serious Mamaw to be reckoned with if you got out of line. I've been on the receiving end of those letters too. They told you what you needed to hear whether you wanted to know or not.

She was a remarkable woman. Just before she died she was rearranging the nursing unit so that people who liked each other were on the same halls and people that were difficult were on other halls. Leave it to Mom to rearrange the nursing units at her nursing home. That is what you call spunk!

I could write volumes about Mom but this should be enough for you to see what a remarkable woman she was. I'll miss her so much.

Safe and Sound

It's been a while since I've posted. Our adventure continues.

In the last blog post I made we were in Mt. Pleasant, SC for doctor's appointments and some time visiting with friends. While there we had maintenance work done on the truck and took it to a carwash to get the salt and grime off of it. It was quite a mess. We also needed to get it vaccumed and to remove the nose prints Gracie the wonder dog puts on the windows. The carwash that day was so entertaining that I had to memorialize it in a blog post.

When we lived in Charleston I went to this carwash at least one a month. They did a good job and I had a customer rewards card that got me a free wash periodically. I didn't realize it at first but the carwash had changed hands since I was there last. Things were a little backed up when I pulled in so I waited patiently for the guy who tries to up sell you to their more expensive services. This is a little dance we do--he suggests things I didn't know you could clean and I say no. Once we get that out of the way I get my routine wash and vacuum and we're all set.

This time the up sell guy wasn't as motivated. In fact he didn't try and up sell me at all. He seemed to be less than enthusiastic about his job and with minimal discussion I got the basic wash and we were done.

I always wait to watch my truck go down the washing tunnel. I guess in that way I'm just a big kid. Once the truck was on its way I walked down to the customer lounge, paid for my wash, and had a seat to wait. That is when the fun started.

The cashier was making a call when I walked up and she deftly managed to check me out while her call was being completed. When the person on the other end of the phone answered she appeared to be quite surprised. Whoever answered the phone apparently wasn't who she expected which set off a stream of cussing and accusations. From what I pieced together she was calling her boyfriend and another woman unexpectedly answered. As and aside, if you were stepping out on your girlfriend why have your other girlfriend answer your phone? The cashier demanded to speak with her boyfriend who was apparently not available. This resulted in her slamming down the phone (did I mention that she was on the business's phone?) She grabbed her cigarettes and stepped out of the waiting area to the smoke a cigarette and fume. While she was out the phone began to ring. There wasn't an employee in the waiting room so the phone just rang and rang. Whoever it was finally gave up.

When the cashier came back in she called her boyfriend again and he apparently answered this time. "Who was that?" she asked. "Tell her I'm coming over and she better not be there." At this point more people were ready to pay and she did the most wonderful job of yelling at her boyfriend and cashing people out. She'd yell at him and completely turn her voice around and speak to the customer. She did this flawlessly.

At this point I was worried that my car would be ready before she was done yelling at her boyfriend. I was fascinated by the fact she could be yelling at her boyfriend and then turn to a customer and be as friendly as you could want.

She ended up hanging up on him again and went out for another cigarette. Of course the phone rang off the hook while she was gone but that apparently wasn't her concern. She came back again and called him. "I'm going to cut you so bad" was her next pronouncement and then she hung up.

In the mean time cars were pouring out of the wash tunnel and no one was picking them up. This caused several cars to slightly bump each other at the end of the tunnel. The washing machine was also leaving the cars covered with soap. People in the waiting room began to notice and started to complain to the cashier between phone calls to her boyfriend.

She called on of the dryers who came in and saw the mess that was being made. He shut down the washer and went out to move the cars. Enough complaints had been made at this point that he had to take 5 or 6 cars back through the washer. People were waking out to check for damage on their cars. Mine is so beat up that I didn't bother. Besides, I wasn't about to leave with the fate of the cashier and her wayward boyfriend in the balance.

At some point the checker in guy disappeared and there was a big backup of cars waiting to get checked in. This meant that the cars and trucks that needed to be rewashed were stuck at the end of the line since they couldn't get around the vehicles that were waiting. No one knew where the checker-in guy went and there were multiple calls over the loud speaker for him. He finally appeared. Apparently someone had some chicken wings and everyone had taken a break to enjoy them. That's also why there was a pile up in the wash tunnel. The drivers were eating chicken wings.

Back to the cashier. She called her boyfriend back and expertly cussed him out (in the presence of the entire waiting area) and told him that she would be there soon. Then she slammed the phone down. There were more complaints about the cars being covered in soap and one man wanted to see the manager. And then it all came out. The manager didn't show up that day. He apparently called in sick.

The whole place was going to hell and everyone was eating chicken wings. The phone was ringing off the hook while the cashier took yet another cigarette break and the checker-in dude apparently had gone AWOL again.

This would normally drive me nuts but it was such a train wreck I had to sit back and enjoy it. My truck was at the front end of the problems so it was being dried and detailed while the rest of the craziness was going on around me.

They finally called me and I reluctantly went out to my truck. The whole place was going to hell and I thoroughly enjoyed the show even if it did take longer than usual to get my truck washed.

The next time I'm in Charleston I'll most likely go back to that car wash just in the off chance the manager calls in sick again.

We're in Dade City, Florida now. The weather is warm during the day and down to the 50s at night. Charlie and Gracie are both settled into their new routine. There seem to be a lot of cats around. Our next door neighbor is feeding them and it's driving Charlotte nuts when she spies them on the picnic table.

I'm having surgery in March to repair and old car accident injury. The surgery has to be done in two steps 4 weeks apart so we'll be here for a couple of months at least. Not sure how that will impact our trip to Key West. Maybe after the second surgery we'll go sit in the sun for a while.

Breaking News…

I wrote my last blog post the night before we were leaving Bull Run and headed south. A lot happened on our trip to Mount Pleasant so I'm doing this update on our progress from Virginia to Florida.

On Tuesday morning I woke up at 7:30 AM (very early for me) and noticed that it seemed to be unusually light outside. I peeked through the blinds next to the bed and saw what I've been asking for--snow! Five inches of soft, fluffy snow. The weather report the night before said that there was a chance of snow for Tuesday but that if it did (and it was a big if) there would only be an inch or less. Well, we had five inches at 7:30 AM and it was still snowing.

Even though we had done some of the work needed to get us on the road by 11:00 AM or so the snow whipped us into high-gear (after having coffee). First thing you'll learn about traveling with dogs is they come first and if they don't you're going to have a problem. We got Charlotte and Gracie up and out the door into the snow knowing that the novelty of snow wouldn't be lost on them and that it might take a little longer to get around to business than it usually does. They did not disappoint. Gracie looked around at the snow and decided to dig a hole. I guess she was wondering what happened to all of the sticks, leaves and dirt she usually has to play with. After tugging her around for a while trying to get her to finish her morning rituals we got her back into the trailer. Charlotte wasn't much better. She loved the snow and was running back and forth, spinning and slipping, and having a good time. It took her a few minutes to get down to business. Once they were taken care of we went about the process of getting the truck and trailer cleaned off so we could hook everything up and get on the road before much more snow fell. Getting ready took a little more time than usual. Everything was cold and doing things with gloves on slowed us down but we got hooked up and were soon on our way. We also broke part of the trailer hitch in the process of getting things hooked up--more on that later.

The Bull Run Park guys had already been through the park clearing the roads so once we got out of our spot we had good roads in the park. Regardless I had the 4WD engaged and we chugged right along up the hill to the entrance of the park. Of course when we got to the park entrance the road hadn't been plowed or even really driven on so the 4WD became a necessity. We hauled Mabel Rubain up the hill, slipping and sliding a little, to the main highway which was totally packed with morning commuters, none who wanted to let a travel trailer get in front of them on a snowy highway. It took a bit but someone finally took notice and let us in.

Remember that part of the trailer we broke? Well, part of it was hanging too low for safe clearance on the highway so we had to get it fixed before we could go too much further. Everyone at Bull Run told us that if we had any problems, questions or needed anything RV associated to call Restless Wheels. This is now going to sound like a Restless Wheels promotional piece but these guys really came through for us. We got there and within 30 minutes they had the part replaced with a used one and were only charged for the labor to put it on. Here we were in the middle of a big unexpected snowstorm with a broken RV and a 6 hour trip down south ahead of us and these guys totally made it as simple as they could. Thank you Restless Wheels in Centreville, VA. They certainly lived up to their reputation. I plan on doing something I rarely do and that is give them a great rating on YELP.

With our trailer fixed and still in the midst of the unexpected snowstorm we got back on the highway and headed towards I-95 south, then over to I-85 south and finally into Charlotte. It took us about 12 hours to get from Bull Run Regional Park to the KOA in Fort Mill, SC.

The KOA was a welcome sight for all of us. Matt and I were both tired from the day's events and the dogs were tired of being cooped up in the truck all day. Finding the KOA was pretty easy as they have giant yellow KOA signs on the road. We pulled into the parking lot and it appeared that the office was closed. It said on the website that they were open until 11:00 PM and it was just a little past 9:00 PM. The sign on the door of the KOA directed us the gas station next door to check in after hours. Apparently the KOA, gas station and a little bar were all owned by the same family and housed in the same building. Registration was quick and we paid for a pull through site so we could avoid having to back into a site late in the evening. The pull though wasn't exactly what we expected. We were at the top of a hill on uneven ground and ended up jockeying back and forth to try and get as level as possible. After a couple of attempts we decided to let it go and packed it in for the night.

The next morning we were up fairly early and headed 45 minutes back up I-85 to Kannapolis, NC to see my mother. She took a bad fall about a month ago and fractured her neck. She was sent to a rehab facility and will hopefully get to move back to assisted living soon. The rehab hospital is small and cars are parked all over the campus on the grass, up on curbs, on the side of hills and just about everywhere else you could park a vehicle. We pulled in assuming that delivery trucks must deliver equipment and supplies to the facility and so the driveway on the side of the rehab facility must logically go all the way around. With that in mind we found a spot where we could pull the truck and trailer off to the side of the road and still leave plenty of room for people to get around us. That was not a very smooth move but I wouldn't know that until after visiting with Mom. When we got back out to the truck we did what we should have done first and looked to see if the road actually went completely around the facility. Imagine our disappointment (and sinking feeling) when we discovered that the road was a dead end and the only thing back there was a loading area and two dumpsters and, of course, more cars parked in every conceivable spot.

We thought we had a plan and could back the trailer into an empty spot near where we were parked and turn around that way but after 30 minutes of back and forth we realized that we were stuck. We were attracting a fair sized audience and causing some problems for staff that were trying to park and get into work. One of the staff members watching us came out and told s there was a truck turnaround behind the facility that we could use. Thinking that we'd be good as gold we drove further down the road into the facility to find that with the length of our vehicle and the fact that there were cars parked in every little slot that could be parked in we weren't getting out that way either.

That left one option--backing out. It turns out that one of our audience members was the head of maintenance. Rather than just stand and watch he came out to lend a hand. He told us that even experienced truck drivers can't get turned around back there and sometimes have to back all the way out. So that's what we ended up doing. We backed all the way around the building and out to the front entrance. From the time we started trying to get out of the rehab facility to the time we actually waved goodbye was an hour. That was one long hour.

Safely on the road again we headed back down I-85 and onto I-77 and finally onto I-26 and onto Mount Pleasant where we checked into the KOA at about 7:00 PM. We were tired, the dogs were tired and everyone was hungry. We got the dogs situated watered and fed and headed out to have a late dinner with our friends Mina and Sarah. What a day! What a trip!

This morning we woke up to no water. It got down to 20 degrees last night so we guessed that the hose had frozen and didn't think too much of it. When I took Charlotte out I realized it might not have just been frozen water hoses. There were multiple geysers throughout the park including our site. The overnight temps had caused some broken pipes which were spraying water into really cool ice sculptures. We had doctor's appointments today so by the time we were back the water issue was fixed.

Here's what we've learned. Restless Wheels lives up to their reputation. That is really uncommon these days. Always make sure you can get out of any place you can get into. I knew this in my head since it's just plain simple common sense but now I have a life lesson to enjoy with it. Gracie will pee in the trailer if you don't take her out as soon as she wakes up. She also has added digging holes to her list of activities she enjoys.

That's the update. We're in Mt. Pleasant for the next couple of days and then we're headed down to the Tampa area to warm up.

Til We Meet Again

We've been here at Bull Run in a camp host position since mid-September. It has been a great experience. The hosts were terrific, would help at the drop of a hat if you needed it, and on top of that were totally accepting of the fact that I have a non-traditional lifestyle (although it appears to be getting more traditional). We got to visit with my Aunt Dee and spent many Friday nights watching old movies and trying to remember who the actors were and what else they had done. We had a blast doing that and got to watch some very good movies. I would sometimes look up the movie on my iPhone to figure out some actor we were watching. After a while she wold ask me to look up an actor on my little computer. Always the technology maven. She usually has some little tidbit of information about my early life or some scandalous family history but not this time. She is the one who showed me a picture of my genetic father and spilled the beans that my great grandmother was an American Indian I don't know whether she's told me all she knows or there's some secrets yet to be revealed! I guess I'll have to wait.

My father's passing anniversary was on January 3rd. That was a little tough since he's only been gone for two years now. I try and have happy thoughts about him rather than feel sad. He was a remarkable man, a great father and that man had some serious math skills. When we would go to the neurologist he knew there's be a mental acuity test so on our way into the office he'd practice so he knew the date, who was president, where he lived, and what his children's names were. Most of the time they weren't hard questions he'd pass them with flying colors. Sometimes, just to let him show off a little, I'd ask him what the square root of 12 was and he'd spit it out like a calculator. That alway impressed the neurologist and I think made Dad feel a little less sick. He would love this adventure we're on.

It looks like our last night at Bull Run will be a cold one. We've got both heaters going and it's nice and cozy here in Mabel Rubain. We're headed to Charlotte tomorrow (Tuesday the 6th) to check on my mother and then to Charleston to see some friends and get in to see our doctors. This is one thing we haven't quite worked out. Our doctors want to see us periodically before renewing our prescriptions so we have to make sure we get by Charleston every 6 months or so. It's not a huge problem night now but if we decide to make a trip out West it could be a problem. So far our physicians have been good about calling in prescriptions for us wherever we are but we don't want to get to a point where we run out of something and need to see some random doctor to get a refill. They all know about our travel plans and are working with us. We are lucky to have some very good doctors. I had some work to do tonight so Matt is doing a some travel prep. Getting things properly stowed and ready to pull out in the morning. He just poured laundry detergent into the toilet and told me all the shaking as we go down the road would clean it out. I see a huge mess when we get to a park with a sewer connection. Can you imagine the bubbles coming from our sewer line as we empty our tanks. Reminds me of an I Love Lucy show. We'll see if it works. I'm skeptical. 

The weather for our trip out of here is supposed to be a wintery mix. Lovely to drive in but even better to tow a trailer in. We thought we were getting out of the cold when we head south but the cold front that is parked on the East coast is going to have nighttime temperatures in the teens in Charlotte where we stay first. We've gotten pretty good at cold weather camping. The water lines have frozen tonight so we'll have to deal with that in the morning but were warm. That's what counts. Tomorrow we drive from Bull Run to a KOA park in Fort Mill, SC. The mapping software says our travel time is 6 hours but since we're towing the trailer it will be more like 8 or 9. Charlotte and Gracie will need frequent stops to get out and stretch. They both are pretty good in the car. Charlotte sleeps in Matt's lap the whole way and Gracie finds some impossible corner to get herself wedged into for the duration. At one point, on the way up here, she was so out of it I was afraid she had died. She hadn't moved in hours--but no, she was just sound asleep. Gracie basically has three modes eat, sleep, and poop. Anything outside of those activities she doesn't like. She'd getting really fat and I know that Dr. Benton, our vet, is going to mention it. She's on phenobarbital for a seizure disorder and that is known to cause weight gain but she's really way too fat. We could all three spend a little more time on walks. 

Time to get out of the cold and back down to warmer weather. We plan on finally arriving in Dade City by the 14th or so and we'll be there for a couple of months. No camp host duties there so I can focus on work some more. I didn't say goodbye to the friends I've made in the park but told them that we hope we'd see them in another park along the way. So 'Til We Meet Again…